


A Hogwarts' Orange

by WolfstarGarden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - A Clockwork Orange, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Everybody Lives, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:01:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarGarden/pseuds/WolfstarGarden
Summary: Sirius turned his hand, snatching Remus’ fingers. “You’d want me like this?”“Shall I show you?” Remus murmured, sliding closer. He tangled their fingers together and leaned in. Sirius barely had time to realise what was happening before his eyes shuttered closed and the heat of Remus’ lips met his.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who's seen or read "A Clockwork Orange" - well, you know what you're in for. Anyone who hasn't, proceed with caution. Parts of this are a little rough and may offend.

**A Hogwarts’ Orange**

**1.**

They were sitting in the Hog’s Head, sipping on butterbeers. They were gorgeousness personified, dressed in the height of fashion and Sirius was quickly getting in the mood for some ultra mischief. A glance at James and the other Marauders told him they were feeling the same.

James rumpled a hand through his hair and grinned. “Good night for it.”

“Agreed,” Peter said. Sirius restrained himself from rolling his eyes; Peter always agreed with everything James said. Instead, he glanced at Remus sitting quietly at the end of the bar. He was nibbling at the corner of his lip, distracted. Sirius wanted to nibble that lip. He looked abruptly away, shifting discomfortingly on his stool to dispel the warmth of sudden lust.

“Where do we wanna start tonight?” James asked, glancing at Sirius.

He mused. “Biblio, pinch some books? Harass the librarian?”

“Nah ... I’m trying to get on her good side. Best leave it alone.”

“Prongs _loves_ her,” Peter teased. James flushed and thumped him in the back of the head. Peter squinted at him angrily, but said nothing as he rubbed his skull.

“Apothecary,” Remus suggested. “I need some supplies.”

James winked at him knowingly. “You still seeing Fabian?”

Remus shrugged. “Beats doing without. And he’s discreet.”

“Anything beats doing without,” Peter said, wistfully.

James frowned a little. “Except force. We might but public menaces but we aren’t cruel.” His scowl deepened when Peter only shrugged.

Sirius dragged the conversation back to the real issue at hand. “Right. Apothecary first, then what?”

They quickly discussed their plans for the night, then emptied their glasses before spilling out of the pub and into the inky night.

Sirius had a special knife used for picking locks. It made short work of the apothecary’s ancient door, and the Marauders slunk inside the store to make a general nonsense inside. Sirius watched darkly as Remus slipped a few things into his pockets, jealousy burning low in his belly. He was glad when they moved onto the sweet shop, where James pilfered expensive chocolates for the librarian he was trying to woo.

There were many bandas in the Hollow who liked to harass the town with their personal brands of mischief. The Marauders favoured practical jokes – dungbombs in the park, trip wires on busy footpaths, itching powder in car vents - all alongside the ransacking of local stores. James was their leader and his conscience was strong, preventing them from going too far.

Other groups were less scrupulous, such as the banda the Marauders met as they marched happily back towards the Hog’s Head. The arrogant Princes were known for going beyond mischief in favour of ultra violence. James and the Princes leader spotted each other.

“Well... if it isn’t the pansy gang...” slurred Severus Snape, beady black eyes glaring down his hooked nose. “Come to let me fuck you up the arse have you, Potter?”

Sirius lurched forwards, and James’ arm slung across his chest. “You’re foul,” he growled. “I doubt a toilet would let you fuck it.”

Snape sneered. “I see you’ve been eyeing Evans in the biblio. _She_ lets me fuck her. Notice she won’t give you the time of day.”

The arm across Sirius’ chest disappeared as James threw himself at Snape, Sirius and the others eagerly joining the fray. Fists and feet flew as the boys attacked each other, tumbling onto the road. Sirius snatched up a stick, jabbing it at the big, ugly bastard trying to wrench out his hair.

A siren sounded. Sirius’ attacker faded like smoke as Snape gestured with the wooden spoon he’d been thwacking James with, and they slithered away into the darkness. James tossed his head, yelling as he made to scarper, “Come on!”

Remus didn’t seem hear him. He was perched on Dolohov’s chest, hand over his throat. Sirius roughed his shoulder. “Remus, move! Aurors are coming, we gotta get out of here.”

Remus looked up at him, distant eyes shining in the moonlight. “Right, shit,” he said, stumbling as Sirius hauled him to his feet. Dolohov spat, a glob of saliva splatting on Remus’ neck, dangerously close to the crescent moon tattooed to the delicate skin behind his ear.

“Cal!” Sirius shouted, aiming a kick; but the boy was gone, fading into the black on the heels of his gang, shouting homophobic obscenities over his shoulder.

“Come on!” James called to them, and Remus’ fingers coiled around Sirius’ as they pelted through the streets and back to the Hog’s Head where they tumbled in a laughing pile into a booth. They were safe again, not afraid of being found. Indeed, when it came to the law they were almost as good as invisible.

l-l

Remus was looking well. Too well. Sirius squinted at him across the bar.

In the wake of their fight, the Marauders had kept a low profile, avoiding the Aurors who had been watching them closely. Sirius hadn’t seen any of his friends for a few days.

“Spent last night with Fabian did you, Moony?” he asked, striving for a casual tone.

“Oh yes,” Remus said, a hint of a smile touching the corner of his lips.

“Figured. You look too ... fit.”

Remus’ mouth pulled into a full, wolfish grin. “Oh, I always get my cutter’s worth,” he agreed casually.

Sirius brooded.

His mood stayed dark through that night’s mischief, and by the time they were walking home – Peter and Remus going their own ways, James and Sirius together – he had come to a decision.

“I won’t be about tomorrow night,” he told James when they reached the Black’s townhouse. “Getting a bit of a pain in the gulliver.”

“Uh huh,” James raised a dubious eyebrow, peering over the top of his glasses. “Nothing to do with you being awkward around Moony, then?”

“What?” Sirius dissembled, heart leaping up his oesophagus.

James laughed. “You couldn’t be more obvious if you tried. Look, he might fancy blokes but he’s still the same malchick we’ve always known. Why d’you let it bother you?”

Sirius fixed James with a hard, calculating glare. It wasn’t their way to keep secrets, so he sucked a bracing lungful of air and said, “It bothers me because ... he doesn’t fancy _me_.”

James paused. “Ah. Well, I’d be lying if I said that possibility hadn’t crossed my mind a few times. Why don’t you just _ask_ him?”

Sirius shook his head miserably. “No way – it would change the Marauders, and Pete’s already changed enough in the last year or so. Besides, even assuming he _didn’t_ turn me down, which would be mortifying, I haven’t got a clue how to...”

James blinked at him, glasses reflecting the streaky porch light. “So ... you’re going to see Fabian, are you?”

“Yes,” Sirius said with determination. “I’m going to see Fabian.”

l-l

The Prewett twins were well known in certain circles, offering a very specific service. They were an impressive pair; Fabian lean and vibrant, Gideon broad and filled with muscle.

Sirius buzzed their intercom and gave his name. The door unlocked and a well-built young man ushered Sirius into the sitting room with a detached smile. “Fabian will be with you shortly,” he said with distant politeness and wandered out.

Sirius fidgeted. Remus had probably sat right here. This degree of separation was probably as close to touching Remus as he was ever going to get, but he would at least learn what two men did in bed together.

A mop of red waves sauntered into the room, the body attached to them draped in a silky white gown. “Sirius, welcome,” Fabian beamed, taking his hand. Sirius followed like a shy puppy as Fabian led him to a richly furnished room. The pleasing aroma of wood smoke from the crackling fireplace settled him a little.

“You’re one of the Marauders, aren’t you? Run with Remus Lupin? He and I are good droogies, you know.”

Sirius grumbled, “I know.”

Fabian laughed. His blue eyes glittered with clever amusement. “What can I do for you, Sirius?”

Sirius stammered awkwardly, irritated by his own uncharacteristic nerves, but Fabian was friendly and encouraging. His hands slowly traced Sirius’ muscles, stripping his clothes away confidently as he leaned in and crushed their mouths together. Sirius could pretend his tongue still tasted like Remus, and his body reacted warmly as Fabian stretched him across the bed.

“Mm, you’re quite a nice specimen, Sirius,” Fabian murmured appreciatively, his cock throbbing approval against Sirius’ thigh. They tangled lustily together; Fabian was scraping his soft fingers across Sirius’ abdomen when the door burst open.

They fell from the bed, scurrying into white robes as a pair of Aurors tackled them, and before Sirius had time to process what was happening he was thrown unceremoniously into a carriage with the Prewetts and their burly doorman.

“What the fuck is happening?” Gideon hissed at his brother as the engine started and they lurched away.

“I think we’re being arrested,” Fabian returned dryly.

Gideon rolled his eyes. “Right, gloopy, but _why_ is what I meant.”

“Well, prostitution’s illegal isn’t it. I imagine someone has sold us out.” Fabian’s eyes narrowed on Sirius. “Wasn’t you, I suppose?”

Sirius shook his head, miserably. His mother would kill him now, or beat him until he longed for death.

“Didn’t think so. You’re too attractive to be an Auror plant. Just another mischief-maker, hm?” Fabian nudged him, concerned, and Sirius realised he was actually trying to cheer him up. All he could manage was a watery smile.

They were thrown into a cell together at the Auror office, a long tense wait before a small woman with curling red hair arrived. She wasn’t much older than the Prewetts, but the twins cowered when she shrieked abuse and dragged them both out by their ears.

Sirius’ mother arrived not long after and he was hauled into a consult room, leaving the Prewetts’ friend alone in the cell. He was dumped into a chair across from two Aurors, beside Walburga. She refused to look at him.

“We’ve discussed your arrest with your mother and she’s persuaded us to offer you a deal. Despite being of age, we’ll leave soliciting sex off your record if you agree to a regime of treatment in a facility catering to people of your persuasion.”

Sirius blanched. “You’re talking about conversion therapy? No! I won’t agree to that.”

“Sirius,” his mother turned to him, her eyes dark ice, voice a searing hiss. “It is not up to you. The decision is made.”

Furiously, Sirius snapped his fearless eyes to meet hers. “It’s not for you to make, witch!”

She slapped him, lightning-fast, Sirius’ cheek stinging as the dark Auror threw his hand between them. “No. We can’t allow that,” he said, calm but stern. Walburga’s lips thinned, but she inclined her head slightly before turning poisonously back to Sirius.

“You are a grahzny excuse for a Black. You are an abomination, a sin against nature. You will go, and if you rot inside that facility then it will be the most good you’ve ever done for this family. You are not of my flesh, Sirius. You are not a Black – and you are not welcome in my home again.”

Her sneering face swam as astonishment burst through Sirius’ rage, only to be swallowed up again. He leapt from his chair and the Aurors slammed him back down as his mother stalked imperiously from the room.

“This isn’t legal,” Sirius stammered, furiously.

“The arrangements have already been made. Your parents offered generous bugatties to arrange this deal. You’ll be transferred later today.”

Sirius was led bodily to another cell and left there alone, bristling with impotent ire. The bribe his mother had offered to keep him from scorching the Black name was impressive enough that the Aurors wouldn’t even speak to him. Nobody was going to stop the injustice.

Alone in the dank cell, Sirius tried not to think – not about the trouble Fabian and Gideon must be in, or what had happened to their friend. Not about the Marauders and if they would know where he was, or how long he’d be gone. Not about the familial bridge his mother had just incinerated. Most of all, Sirius tried not to think about Remus, and how much it was going to hurt to be away from him.

 

**2.**

“Put him in Gryffindor.”

Sirius was marched down the hall by a ridiculous looking little woman in pink scrubs and a rather ferocious looking man with a terrifying grin. He avoided looking at them as he was steered down a stark hallway painted in clinically dull red and gold. The plaque on the coded door marked it ‘Gryffindor Wing’.

He was deposited in a bare room, the door slamming shut behind him. It was some hours before anyone came in again and Sirius was getting restless. He paced the room, disgruntled with everything.  A blond man eventually came in with a supper tray, and turned to leave again without a word.

 “Wait!” Sirius snapped. “What the hell is happening? How long will I be here?”

The man paused, toying idly with his chic ponytail. He threw Sirius a mildly amused glance. “As long as it takes.”

“As long as what takes?” Sirius asked, dread trickling along his nerves, but it was too late; the door slammed shut and he was alone again.

Aggravated spite drove Sirius’ fist into the wall, earning him a shout of pain and bloody knuckles. Frustrated, he fell into the rickety chair by the desk and picked through the tray – a bowl of indeterminate broth, tea and coffee, bread, cheese, yoghurt... but he had no appetite and the tray was untouched when he flopped onto the narrow bed.

“Mother, I fucking hate you,” Sirius growled thickly, sucking on his throbbing knuckles. He stared sightless at the ceiling as shadows crept across the room and eventually lulled him into a turbulent slumber.

Sirius was gnawing at a piece of rubbery toast the next morning when the man who had admitted him came in. He was neatly dressed in an austere suit, dark hair swept back severely. “I’m Riddle,” he said, tidily settling himself into the small chair. “Do you know why you’re here?”

 “Because my mother is a disgusting witch,” Sirius snapped, eyeing his visitor malevolently.

“And you don’t think your depravity has anything to do with it?”

Anger ignited in him. “I’m not depraved. Homosexuality isn’t illegal, it’s perfectly natural.”

“It’s not illegal, I’ll grant you, but natural? I think not. What purpose does it serve to indulge such carnal desires?”

“It doesn’t hurt anyone, if that’s what you mean,” Sirius scowled.

“It is not what I mean, Black,” RIddle folded his hands loosely, eyeing Sirius with a gaze so piercing he could have been reading his mind. “Biologically speaking homosexuality serves no purpose. It is the role of every man and woman to procreate.”

“I’m not interested in cheenas though, so it’s pointless,” Sirius muttered.

“And that is why you’re here. Hogwarts specialises in promoting the _natural_ desire. Your treatment will begin this afternoon and will continue as long as I deem necessary.”

“And who are you?” Sirius asked with simpering politeness, barely managing to bite down his rage.

Riddle’s face creased into an overbearing sneer. “I am the CEO of Hogwarts Institute, and I assured Mrs Black that I would personally oversee your therapy.”

Their first meeting continued with Riddle asking alarmingly personal questions that Sirius did his best to skirt. There was something indefinably cruel about Riddle, and Sirius didn’t want to cooperate besides.

That afternoon, Greyback, Sirius’ vicious guard, dragged him to a room called ‘Requirement’. Sirius was shoved into a chair beside the pink guard, Umbridge. Together, they bound him tight to the chair with large, clunking chains and strapped his head back with a heavy bar. There was a screen directly in front of him. “Keep your eyes open, dear,” Umbridge simpered. “Or I’ll stab you with my britva and clamp your eyelids back.” She waved a pen in front of his nose, brandishing the lethal nib which closely resembled a surgical blade.

Acute fear finally took the heat out of Sirius’ anger. He knew little about conversion therapy, but realised that whatever they had planned, it wasn’t usual.

Greyback loomed in front of him, running his tongue along the rim of his sharp teeth. Terrifying menace echoed in his passionless eyes as he shoved a syringe needle brutally into Sirius’ vein and emptied the chamber with a bright sting. Moments later, arousal stirred between his legs and Sirius gasped, squirming futilely against his bonds. Umbridge giggled.

Pictures appeared on the screen before him. Hideous realisation washed over Sirius, his eyes snapping shut. “Oh dear, I did warn you,” derided the girlish voice beside him and Sirius yelped as she drove her pen into his arm. A burning trickle over his skin told Sirius he was bleeding; he was unable to turn and see. His heart raced thudding laps around his ribcage, but Sirius forced his eyes open, a wave of cold, horrified nausea drenching him.

The entire screen was filled with the video of a naked woman, writhing in passion as an obviously aroused man tasted her sex.

Umbridge scratched his arm threateningly with the back of her blade, and trembling, Sirius was forced to watch for the next hour as heterosexual pornography accosted him, his chemically induced erection straining painfully against his fly.

After a week of treatment Sirius was a wreck. He barely ate and couldn’t sleep, haunted by the images and the odd things going on in his mind and body. He was confused and terrified, dreading the moment Greyback would come to collect him for his daily visit to Requirement.

After treatment he was left alone until the drugs wore off, then taken to group therapy in the Great Hall. It was the only time patrons saw each other, groups mixed amongst Hogwarts’ four wings from patients at similar levels of progress.

Everybody looked as traumatised as Sirius felt.

“You’re making good progress,” Riddle said at their third fortnightly one-on-one session. “Do you feel this?”

“Of course,” Sirius lied, eyeing the man with veiled dislike. Keeping on Riddle’s good side was the only way he would ever escape the nightmare of Hogwarts.

“Results don’t happen overnight, of course ... but I believe you’re ready to enter the second stage. Your session times will need to be changed, though. I’ll need to review the Requirement schedule, but I think we can begin next week.”

Second stage meant two daily visits to Requirement. Sirius endured the arousal therapy in the mornings, before being left to starve for hours. In the afternoon, he was dragged back before the screen for something even worse.

Greyback and Umbridge stripped him to his briefs before chaining him down, then slapped stickers to his skin and connected thin wires to each one. Then the videos would begin, just as explicit as the arousal sessions – except these only featured men.

Sirius had been pretending to change, even though he knew conversion therapy had never been successful and he didn’t even wish it to be. But after such a long isolation, the sexual images sent a hum through his blood and straight to his cock. With a jolt, Sirius saw that one man had a crescent moon tattooed to his shoulder. Remus instantly flashed into Sirius’ mind, and he keened as his prick became achingly, naturally hard.

 “ _Aaarghh_!” Sudden agony lanced through Sirius’ body, ripping his flesh from his bones and slamming his body bruisingly against his chains. It passed painfully slowly and Sirius collapsed into the chair, burning. His eyes drooped shut, and Umbridge’s pen shived his arm open.

 _They’re going to kill me_. Unshakeable terror flooded him, and Sirius forced his eyes open again, grunting.

Every time his body reacted to the images, another wave of electricity crackled through the stickers and rent his body apart. By the end of the hour, Sirius was a splintered husk, breath rattling in his tortured chest. Every part of him burned with pain. “You can’t do this to me... this is evil...” he rasped.

Umbridge laughed her insipid giggle. “I have the full authorisation of Mr Riddle. I assure you, I can do whatever I want.”

Greyback heaved him back to his room on flailing jelly-legs. “Still fancy a malchick, do you, Black?” He dumped Sirius onto the bed and growled hot, sour breath on his face. “If aversion therapy doesn’t work, Riddle will let me fuck it out of you. The plennys that I touch don’t tend to want it again.”

Sirius stared at him, swallowing his fear. He tried to scuttle away but his battered limbs wouldn’t hold him. _This can’t be happening_.

“Yes...” Greyback sneered, leaning closer. “This is just how I like you. Powerless. Poogly. Pitiful.”

Furious blood pounded hot in Sirius’ ears, swallowing his fear and drowning out rationality. Impulsively, he spat square on Greyback’s face.

The man reared back, laughing as he brushed his thumb over his cheek and swiped Sirius’ spittle lasciviously into his mouth. “Oh, I think I’ll enjoy breaking you...” he snarled. “Sleep well, Black.”

l-l

It took longer for Sirius to leave Hogwarts than he had hoped. By the time he graduated, it had been nearly twelve weeks of horror, torture and torment; it showed in his unkempt appearance, emaciated and sunken beneath his un-brushed, straggly hair.

After six weeks of aversion therapy, Sirius knew he had to pass the final test. He’d kill himself if he had to endure another soul-sucking course.

“Twelve weeks. Time for the third stage,” Riddle said during their one-on-one.

“I think I’m ready,” Sirius croaked. He bad barely spoken in the past six weeks, and his voice was a dry rasp.

Riddle gazed at him approvingly. “Good. We have a devotchka who is ready to take the test as well. I will schedule it for tomorrow. If you fail, however ... I may let Greyback try his methods with you.”

Sirius had mentioned Greyback’s threat. As it transpired, Greyback’s personal therapy was sanctioned for anyone who failed the aversion therapy course, though Sirius guessed the man didn’t always wait. He suspected only his family name had kept him safe so far.

The next day, Sirius was dragged to a room called ‘Charms’. The only thing in it was a ragged mattress and a quivering girl in a blue robe. By the wall stood Riddle and Umbridge with two other guards. Greyback grinned savagely as he steered Sirius violently towards the girl, then joined the others to watch.

“Hello,” the girl tried to force a smile. “I’m Marlene.”

“Sirius,” he muttered. “I’m so sorry...”

She shook her head. “This is the only way out.”

“No talking!” Riddle snapped. “Begin, if you would.”

Sirius licked his lips and stepped closer. He leant in, Marlene stepping into his arms as he ducked his head to kiss her. It felt awfully clinical, but her lips were soft and gentle, filled with the same frightened desperation he felt. Somehow it made Sirius feel safer.

Everything about the third stage was a real horrorshow. They were both trying to portray genuine arousal, playing to their audience. The only knowledge Sirius had on pleasing a woman was what he had learned from the videos in arousal therapy and he tried to recreate it naturally. He tentatively kissed Marlene’s neck, stroking his hands across her breasts as he pushed her robe away.

It was harder to stimulate himself, but Marlene seemed to sense it. She trembled against him, sliding her hand beneath his red robe and down the sunken ridge of his abdomen, brushing his hip before curling her hand around his cock. Sirius gasped and quivered, every instinct telling him to push her away. Marlene squeezed carefully, her head tipping up towards him. “It’s okay,” she whispered desperately. “Just think of someone.”

He thought of Remus, the gentle curls across his eyes, the secret smile, his lean, firm body ... and finally, arousal began to stir. The memory of associated pain threatened to sink his timid erection and Marlene’s hand tightened around him, clumsily stroking as she sought his lips and murmured against his mouth, “Push everything out and just think of him. _Please_.”

It wasn’t easy, but Sirius tried, imagining that it was Remus pulling him close and murmuring encouragement. He never opened his eyes, pushing her gently onto the mattress, focussing on the admittedly pleasurable sensation when he finally entered her. He imagined Remus, wondering if his body would feel the same, warm and tight.

 “It’s the only way,” Marlene whispered thickly, drawing him in willingly though Sirius knew she was going through the same agony as him.

And it was.

 

**3.**

With the third stage successfully passed, Sirius and Marlene were both released two days later, thrown into a blisteringly cold and windy day.

The forced horror had created an unexpected bond between them, and Marlene held him tight when they said goodbye. “Thank you, Sirius. I would never have escaped that azkaban without you. If ever you need to ... to talk. Call me.” she pressed a scrap of paper into his hand, then slid into her friend’s waiting carriage and was gone.

Sirius was alone.

He wandered the streets, unable to even consider going home. What Sirius really wanted was to see Remus, but he lived too far away to walk to. Instead he went to the Potter cottage. James wasn’t home. Sirius didn’t know where he might be, and it was too cold to sit on the step and wait. Eventually, he decided the only thing to do was wait it out in the Hog’s Head. Sirius walked slowly, arms curled around himself for warmth, trying to keep his thoughts at bay.

 “Well, if it isn’t Black,” a slimy voice drawled and suddenly Severus Snape was in front of him. Sirius was astonished to see Peter beside him.

“Wormtail!” he said, relieved to see a familiar face.

“Sirius,” Peter said, coolly. “Fancy seeing you here. Didn’t know you were out.”

Sirius blinked. “Just ... today. Pete ... it’s good to see you.”

Peter smiled, his lips twisting ultra cruel. “You too, Sirius. Though things are a little different to how you might remember. Twelve weeks can be a long time.”

A rill of apprehension shuddered through him. “How’s James?” he asked hesitantly, eyeing Snape.

Peter shrugged. “Haven’t seen him since he shacked up with that Evans cheena.”

“Which means you’ve got no one to help you now, Black. Don’t think I’ve forgotten all the fists you’ve given me.  What d’you reckon, Pettigrew? Time Black here paid for his indiscretions?”

“Sounds fine.”

Sirius was dumbfounded as Peter stepped forward and grabbed him, too frail to fight back. A set of handcuffs were pulled out and suddenly Sirius recognised the uniforms Snape and Peter wore – trainee Aurors.

He was manhandled into their carriage, driven to the outskirts of Godric’s Hollow and tossed into the dirt while Snape and Peter beat him, pummelling him against the ground until his skin was thick with dust and black with bruises. He struggled to breathe.

When he pretended to pass out, they left him there.

Sirius lay there, numb and dry-eyed. He half-hoped that he would just die; it seemed the life he’d had before Hogwarts was gone and things weren’t going to get better. Still, hours later, when the sun began to sink and mosquitoes came out to feast on his split flesh Sirius staggered to his feet and began to trudge down the road in search of shelter. He’d lost his bearings and in the dark everything looked the same.

The first house he came to had a warm light on in the front window, a small old sign out the front reading, ‘Lie Low B&B’.

“Bed and breakfast...” Sirius murmured thankfully, running his fingers over the words illuminated by a small solar light. He had money, not much, but enough for one night. So he trudged up the gravel path and clopped on the door, weak and tired.

The door opened - and Sirius’ surprised legs gave out. He crumpled onto the doormat. _Remus, it’s Remus!_

 “Sirius!? Fuck...” Remus knelt in front of him, hooking an arm around him and hoisting him back to his feet.

“Oh, Moony... thank god it’s you...” Sirius grabbed him, coiling his fingers tightly into Remus’ shirt.

“Shh, come inside. Fucking hell, what happened to you?”

Remus eased him onto a couch in his sitting room, forcing Sirius to lie still and silent while he carefully undressed him and inspected his injuries, swabbing his skin with the dark sting of iodine. “There’s not much more I can do ... painkillers and ice, maybe...”

“It’s fine, Remus, fine ... but...”

“What is it, Sirius?”

“Could I have ... a cup of tea?”

Remus paused, then laughed and went to brew a pot. When he returned, Sirius relayed his whole sorry tale, stammering the words out as his eyes feasted on Remus, who seemed blessedly unchanged – just as attractive, just as calm. His composure failed only once, face blanching with sudden alarm when Sirius mentioned Greyback. “Do you know him?”

Remus shrugged and looked away, too late. “I spent some time at Hogwarts before I met you. Greyback was there even then. Go on with your story, get it out.”

Something about Remus’ forced flippancy concerned Sirius, but he finished his tale, surprisingly glad to share it. Remus watched him with sweet compassion, gently placing a hand on his arm.

“Sirius, I wish you had come to me before. I had no idea about your sexuality until you were arrested.  We might have been able to spare you all that trauma.”

“Was it the same when you were there?” Sirius gulped.

 “More or less.”

Sirius dreaded the next answer. “Remus ... did Greyback..?”

Remus met his eyes squarely. “Yes,” he said simply.

Sirius looked down at his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Remus said brusquely, collecting their empty cups and getting up. “It was a long time ago. I’ve come to terms with it. Right, you need a bath and a meal and time to rest. We can talk more in the morning.”

l-l

“Where’s your father?” Sirius asked over breakfast.

“In Wales, visiting family. He spends more time there than here these days. His heart went out of the place when mum died. Have you seen James?”

Sirius shook his head, carefully biting into a sausage. “He wasn’t home.”

“I’ll invite him over, if you like. He won over Evans, the librarian. They’re a good fit.”

“I’d like that,” Sirius said. “But ... maybe tomorrow? I just...”

“Of course.” Remus looked at him. “Sirius ... I actually _can_ imagine what you’re going through right now. It’ll take time – but it will get better.”

Sirius quirked an awkward smile and changed the subject. “Did Fabian get out of it all okay? Do you still see him?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. We’re still good friends, but he doesn’t sell anymore. He and Caradoc are exclusive now.”

“Caradoc?”

“Caradoc Dearborn? You would have met him when you went there – their bodyguard?”

Sirius remembered the solid, reserved man who had let him in to the Prewett’s house. He nodded. “So what do you do now?”

Remus laughed. “I’m celibate, Sirius. It’s not a crime.”

“Oh ... but you used to say...”

Remus rolled his eyes. “We all say a lot of things. A lot of them don’t mean much.”

Sirius gazed at him, assessing. His time in Hogwarts had felt like twelve years rather than twelve weeks, but here was Remus, exactly the same. There were subtle changes, the collected exterior covering myriad secrets, but it was the same attractive young malchick, too thin, too sexy. It was so good to see him that Sirius' chest tightened in a dull ache. He pressed at it idly with the heel of his palm as a pulse of desire spiked through his blood - then gasped as the memory of electric pain assaulted him.

Remus looked at him sharply. “What is it? What else did they do to you?”

“Nothing,” Sirius muttered. “Nothing, just ... remembering.”

Remus walked around the table to him, kneeling beside his chair. He wrapped a hand over Sirius’, his smile effortlessly supportive. “It really will get better, trust me.”

“I always trust you, Remus.”

l-l

James came to visit and offered to put him up, but Sirius declined. James was starting a life with Lily, his new cheena, and Sirius didn’t want to intrude. Whenever he saw them together he felt slightly awkward and was reminded of Marlene. He often wondered how she was doing but hadn't yet felt able to call her.

So, with nowhere else to go, Sirius stayed with Remus. His memories wracked him but Remus was quiet and supportive, either letting Sirius alone or unconditionally supportive as was needed. Their long Marauder friendship became a new, deeper bond.

“Everything’s so different now,” Sirius lamented one day after James had visited. “I don’t like it.”

“It takes time to adjust,” Remus murmured, peering up from the letter he was writing to his father. “But I agree; it’s amazing how much can change in a few months.”

Sirius bowed his head and didn’t answer. Remus straightened at his silence, twisting to face him. “Why don’t you talk to me about it?” he asked softly.

Sirius met his eyes – resolute amber edged with concern. He attempted a nonchalant shrug. “What for?”

“It might help.”

Sirius turned away. “You keep secrets all the time, Remus. Don’t tell me what to do.”

The tiny beat before Remus returned to his letter told Sirius better than any words could that he’d upset his friend. Then Remus murmured, “Maybe I don’t practice what I preach, but I do know what I’m talking about. Sirius, I’m trying to help you.”

Sirius wanted to be cross, but he’d never been able to stay mad at Remus for long. And he wanted to talk about what had been going on inside of him since he’d left Hogwarts, but even with Remus he couldn’t help feeling defensive and vulnerable. Even he was surprised by the words that slipped unthinkingly between his lips. “I think I’m losing my mind.”

Remus put his pen down and faced him again. Sirius was grateful for his steadiness. “Why?”

“Because...” he fumbled for words, hands waving unhelpfully. “Nothing works anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Remus prompted softly.

“My head ... it’s so ... stormy. So grazzy in there, all this horror and the memories – but they’re not memories, it’s as if it were happening right here and now. And there’s more than that, it’s ... what they did, it affected me – uh, physically.”

Remus opened his desk drawer and passed Sirius a chocolate bar from its secret hidden depths. “Eat this, it’ll help a little,” he said before tipping into silence, steadily pacing the room. Sirius could see he was battling his thoughts by the tension of his jaw, the restless pinch between his shoulders.

Eventually, Remus sighed, “There are no words I can say that will fix things, Sirius. But I can tell you I went through the same thing after Hogwarts and eventually the memories did get easier. The physical thing ... that can be hard to sort out. I might be able to help with that – but it will depend on what exactly you mean, of course.”

“It’s ... embarrassing.”

The corner of Remus’ mouth twitched. “Most things regarding you are, Padfoot.”

That surprised a laugh from him, and a few moments later they were both settled reassuringly on the couch with a pot of tea between them.

Sirius was very aware of the width between them, the sheer simplicity of Remus’ physicality. Words stumbled clumsily from him. “The problem ... is I still have, uh, desires. But – what they did to me there – it’s made my body react ... differently.”

Remus tucked a curl behind his ear. “I understand, I went through that too. It took me a long, long time to get past. I don’t want that for you, Sirius. It’s bad enough having to live it, never mind having the horrorshow follow you when you leave.”

“How did you fix it?” Sirius asked, quietly.

“I had to reassert my sexuality, relearn that pleasure and desire is _not_ related to the pain and degradation they force at Hogwarts. I had to relearn how I felt towards both men and women. Part of it was natural – just going back to how I’d been before... But it was difficult as well, trying to wade through all the confusion and pain and ... well, everything else. Some of getting through it was cognitive. Some of it was ... practice.”

“Practice,” Sirius echoed, blanching.

Remus looked atypically awkward. “Sirius ... if it makes it easier ... I could help you.”

“No,” Sirius replied instantly. Remus’ hesitant expression folded into something unreadable. “I won’t have you prostituting yourself for me. I can work this out.” He wanted to say yes, to hold Remus against him and feel the heat of his body, the slide of his mouth ... but when he recovered, Remus would be gone. Sirius would rather not know what he was missing.

 “Sirius...” Remus rubbed a hand roughly over his face. “I didn’t mean it that way... I just – I thought it might be easier. You know, with a friend.”

“Oh.” Sirius squinted at Remus’ flushed ears. “Is that ... is that why you used to see Fabian?” he asked carefully.

Remus gave him a very direct look. “No,” he said wryly. He hesitated, then sighed and shook his head. “Partly. Mainly, Sirius... I visited Fabian because I couldn’t have _you_.”

Sirius boggled. His mouth flapped vacantly.

Remus sighed again, looking defeated. “And that reaction is why I fucking keep my secrets,” he growled.

“No, Remus,” Sirius stammered. “I’m not upset. It’s just – why do I have to learn this _now_? When I’m too damaged to take advantage of the information.”

Remus’ fingers twitched. “I see.”

Sirius fixed him with a direct gaze. “Do you?” he asked with quiet boldness.

Remus actually laughed. He leaned forwards, hand reaching out to trail careful fingers across Sirius’ wrist.  “Oh, I think so. And ... my offer stands, Padfoot.”

Sirius turned his hand, snatching Remus’ fingers. “You’d want me like this?”

“Shall I show you?” Remus murmured, sliding closer. He tangled their fingers together and leaned in. Sirius barely had time to realise what was happening before his eyes shuttered closed and the heat of Remus’ lips met his.

It was the perfect kiss – gentle and sweet, but full of a barely constrained fire, a promise of _more_ if Sirius wanted to accept it.

He did. Sirius tangled a hand in Remus’ hair and urged him closer, sliding out his tongue to taste Remus’ sweetness, lips parting beneath his, inviting and possessive both at once. Remus tipped his head slightly to fit closer, moving with fire and passion.

 Desire stirred deep in Sirius’ belly, his cock twinging as need flooded his brain. _Remus is kissing me!_ He crushed their hands together, wriggling closer, desperate for _more more_... and then a crackling panic broke him.

Gasping, Sirius thrust one hand at Remus’ chest, forcing him back. Pain and horror flooded him - a memory, but real and tangible and _now_ ... the stab of the penknife, the shriek of electricity through his brain.

Remus touched him carefully, snapping him abruptly back to the present. Sirius shuddered, embarrassed, but Remus slid his hand gently along Sirius’ unshaven jaw. “Shh, Padfoot. It’s okay. I know.”

Sirius’ breath shook violently up his throat, the soft surety of Remus slowly relaxing him. He coiled their fingers together, ashamed. “I’m sorry... Oh, Moony, this is what I’ve always wanted, and now ... I can’t.”

“Hush. It’s okay. I only wish ... no. It _will_ be alright. I’ll help you be alright, Sirius. If you’ll let me.”

“Remus...” Sirius breathed, embarrassed by his idolatrous tone. “I want you. But ... I don’t want you to waste your time on me if I can’t ever be normal again.”

Remus chuckled lightly. “You think I’m only interested in your body, Sirius? Look, as glorious as it is, there’s more to you than that. I rather like _all_ of it.”

Sirius snorted, embarrassed. He avoided Remus’ gaze, eyes hooded. “Maybe it was bolshy once,” he muttered. “Not so much now.”

Remus ran one hand up Sirius’ side. “You’re still beautiful. You always have been to me.”

Sirius barked a little laugh. “Sap.”

Remus laughed with him. “Don’t pretend you don’t love the accolades, vain pup that you are.” Sirius offered him a thin smile, trembling when Remus brushed it away with his thumb tip. “It really will be alright, you know.”

Sirius flicked his eyes up to meet Remus’ steadfast amber gaze. “Okay.”

Remus smiled, slowly leaning close to catch that uncertain pout in a kiss that was soft and sweet and reassuring. A hand carded into the hair at Sirius’ nape, hauling him in and their lips clung and lingered, moving with agonising slowness.

Sirius huffed deeply, breathing Remus’ distinct aroma – chocolate and ink and petricor in the forest. Sirius senses filled with him – the smooth slickness of his mouth, his surprisingly soft skin, the sure gentleness of his touch.

But it was more than that, it was _Remus_ , stirring desire from wherever his fingers pressed against Sirius’ skin, radiating joy through his body even as traumatic memory froze the blood in his veins.

Remus remained unhurried and wholly giving, holding Sirius still and sliding his mouth across stubbled jaw until Sirius relaxed before moving to catch his lips again, and repeating the process until Sirius matched his kiss with growing enthusiasm.

“Sh, sh,” Remus mumbled against him. “Easy, Sir. There’s no need to rush.”

Remus set the pace, holding Sirius back when he tried for more. The press of mouth and hand and body was languorous and frustratingly innocent. It was still enough to stir desire in Sirius, and waves of panic crested and subsided. Remus somehow knew and catered unfailingly to Sirius’ emotions, until his fear was hidden beneath everything Remus.

Sirius moaned lightly when Remus stroked the edge of his ear with his tongue. His hand dropped to his lap, pressing idly at the bulge beneath his zipper. The panic he had known last time he attempted to touch himself was a mild buzz now – present, but distant and oddly confusing.

 Suddenly Remus canted back, breath shallow and rapid. “Fuck,” he murmured, pressing his forehead against Sirius’, shuffling his fingers through ebony hair.

“Mm,” Sirius hummed, rubbing ineffectually at his erection. He snorted, frustrated.

Remus’ fingers skimmed down his body, tickling his sensitised skin and settling lightly over the hand at his groin. A thrill of excitement pulsed up Sirius’ spine. Remus whispered, “I’d love to touch you.” He pressed down, increasing friction to Sirius’ cock, making him gasp. “But this can’t be rushed.”

Sirius grunted his disappointment as Remus reared back, settling beside him with a sweet smile. His amber eyes were dark with lustful affection. Sirius reached for him again, curling himself against Remus’ chest with a sigh. There were no words; they sat and breathed each other in.

l-l

Each day became a little easier. It didn’t take long for Sirius to realise that without the effect of the drugs Hogwarts had forced into him he had no interest in heterosexual lovemaking. With the drugs arousal had felt more like an odd anatomy lesson at best and clinical torture at worst. Becoming adjusted to the idea that sex wasn’t going to hurt him took longer to overcome, even with Remus’ blissful patience. His touches were gentle and steady, gradually moving further along as Sirius became more comfortable, but also increasingly frustrated. Remus’ self restraint was astonishing and infuriating.

Six weeks out of Hogwarts saw Sirius’ body filling out again, the firm contours of his muscles returning. Remus wasn’t an adventurous cook but he was healthy, and decent meals coupled with exercise and a haircut had done Sirius wonders.

James still visited often, teasing him mercilessly about living with Remus. Sirius tried to play things ultra cool, but James had always been able to see straight through him, and he watched Remus and Sirius with amused cleverness.

 They spent lazy hours snogging on the couch, sexual tension constantly building between them. Desire slowly became natural again, the memories more controlled. Finally, one night Sirius couldn’t resist and he rubbed his erection while in the shower, Remus’ name spilling from his lips as he came, fearless and pain free.

It wasn’t much longer before Remus’ restraint became simply impossible to bear. Sirius was desperate to touch him and taste him, to try the all things he wanted Remus to teach him.

They were in Lie Low’s gym when that restraint finally snapped. Remus was effortlessly sexy when working out, his body flexing through his yogic cool-down. He stripped off his shirt, a delicious sheen on his wiry frame.

“Moony...” Sirius called, slipping his weights back onto the rack.

“Hm?” Remus turned and Sirius flew at him, fingers biting into his slippery shoulders as their mouths crushed together. “Umph!”

“Shut up,” Sirius grumbled, pushing his tongue past Remus’ surprised lips.

He was tired of careful, needing more than irritation and good manners. Sirius slid his hands down Remus’ bare, damp body, grabbing Remus’ hips and grinding against him. They gasped into each others’ mouths when their cocks brushed together, then Remus urged him back. “Padfoot...”

“No more waiting, Remus,” Sirius said, dropping his forehead to Remus’ shoulder. “I want this _now_ ... I _need you_. No – don’t ask me if I’m sure. Just ... please.”

Remus shuddered, his breath ruffling hot through Sirius’ hair. “Okay, Sirius. Bedroom.”

Remus dragged him through the house, shoving him none-too-gently onto the bed and clambering over him. Sirius arched up, shivering with delicious anticipation. “What do you want me to do?” Remus murmured, pressing his mouth hungrily against Sirius’ neck, sweeping black silk locks out of his way. “What do you want?”

“I ... I don’t know. I’ve never...”

Remus groaned, hips butting hard into him. “Fuck, Sirius. Nothing?”

Sirius shook his head, flushing. “I know... but I’ve only ever wanted you. Nobody else interested me.”

Remus smiled at him, stroking a hand up his neck. “Oh, I’m not complaining. It’s a fucking turn on, really.”

Sirius laughed nervously, his embarrassment swallowed by Remus stretched above him, sharp angles pressing delightfully together.

Remus’ mouth moved slowly over the delicate skin behind Sirius’ ear. He crooned, “Tell me what you want...”

“I want to _be_ with you, Remus. Whatever the fuck you call it ... I want it.”

Remus nipped his ear. “Oh gods, Padfoot. Give me your hand.” Sirius slid his hand into Remus’ palm, gasping when Remus pressed it to his erection and swayed into his fingers. “Do you feel what you do to me?”

Sirius groaned, squeezing awkwardly through the clothes as he fumbled to feel Remus’ cock. “Take this off,” Remus whispered, tugging at the hem of Sirius’ singlet, helping him. He rammed their mouths quickly together before trailing his tongue down the pale column of Sirius’ neck, setting his skin alight as he moved ever lower, exploring the planes of bone and muscle with scorching lips. Remus flicked his tongue around Sirius’ nipple and he jerked, gripping Remus’ tight as surprised pleasure shook him. Remus paused, gauging his reaction.

“More,” Sirius begged and Remus smiled, dipping his head again, teasing cleverly until Sirius was shivering and desperate, grinding his swollen cock shamelessly into Remus’ thigh.

Remus’ hands rubbed up his body, tracing a tingling path along his edges. Gradually, Remus slid down his chest, sucking small red marks into Sirius’ skin as he licked the salt from his body. His hands roamed ever downwards, learning the shape of hip and thigh, before coming up to hook into Sirius’ exercise shorts. “Off,” he demanded. Sirius shuddered at the sexy rasp of his voice, flooded with eager desire.

Sirius canted his hips, and together they shucked off the last of his clothes. He barked a self-conscious laugh. “What?” Remus asked, glancing up. His eyes were dark and sweet, flecked with concern.

“I wasn’t _born_ this naked,” Sirius grinned.

Remus smiled, hooking his elbows over Sirius’ hips and looping his arms around a slim waist. “You are _fucking_ gorgeous, Padfoot,” he murmured, pressing a light kiss to Sirius’ navel. He grinned wolfishly. “I never would have guessed you could be shy.”

Sirius rested his fingertips gently on Remus’ cheekbone. “Only ever with you,” he admitted.

Remus tipped his head into Sirius’ hand. “I’m the one person you never need to be coy with, Sirius,” he said. “Now shh.”

Remus laved his tongue into the divots of Sirius’ hips, down the inside of his thigh. Sirius rutted sharply, unbearable need driving him. Remus growled seductively, setting tremors off in Sirius’ blood. A hand pressed firm against the plane of his belly, thumb looping around the base of his cock as Remus stilled his hips. The air fled from his lungs when Remus’ long fingers wrapped tight around him, twisting slowly up his prick, until without warning, he closed his mouth around the sensitive crown and _sucked_. Sirius swore explosively, fisting his hands in the sheets. “ _Ah_ , Remus...” he whimpered.

Remus hummed a mischievous question around his prick and Sirius nearly came right there and then. His breath gusted shakily as he reached down to tangle his fingers with the ones by his hip.

Sirius lost himself utterly in the curl of Remus’ tongue, the wet heat of his mouth soon all he knew. Any lingering fears disintegrated within heady pleasure as Remus slid his mouth up and down Sirius’ shaft. A juddering moan escaped his throat and Remus echoed it, the vibrations tingling delightfully through Sirius’ prick.

 “Gahh...” He wanted it to go on for hours, an aching pleasure boiling low in his belly. But it was _Remus_ , and it was so _damned_ nice that in a despairingly short time he began to boil over. His cock throbbed fantastically and Sirius crushed Remus’ fingers in his hand as he came explosively down Remus’ throat.

Remus gulped and swallowed then murmured smugly, penetrating the cloudy fog of amazed satiation that swamped between Sirius’ ears. Remus rolled his shoulders as he slid up Sirius’ body, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ hips again. “Good?”

“Uh hm,” Sirius mumbled, grinning stupidly. Then he said, “Shit! Remus ... I didn’t warn you – I’m sorry.”

Remus smiled at him, dropping a kiss to the curve of his hip. “It’s okay. I kinda knew.”

Sirius blinked. “How?”

Remus trailed his fingers idly across the muscles of Sirius’ abdomen, raising a track of gooseflesh. “Experience. Everybody’s different, of course, but there’re ways to tell...”

Doubt prickled Sirius. “Everybody? No – I don’t want to know who else.”

Remus blinked at him. “Are you ... jealous?” Sirius shrugged and pouted and didn’t answer. He was annoyed when Remus laughed quietly at him. “I’m here with you, aren’t I? And whoever else I’ve been with ... it was always you in my mind. Take advantage of my experience and what I can do for you and forget the rest.”

It wasn’t that easy, but Sirius was touched by the words all the same. He threaded his fingers through Remus’ curls, relaxing back in the glow of orgasm, until his brain suddenly kicked back into gear again. “I wanted you ... uh, inside me.”

Remus was gazing at the hand he was rubbing across Sirius’ belly. “Small steps, puppy. There’s plenty of time for that.”

“What about you?” Sirius frowned. “Did you..?”

Remus butted his hips against Sirius’ thigh in answer, letting him feel his cock, still hard with need.

“Can I..?”

Remus hoisted himself up, meeting Sirius’ eyes properly. “Do you want to?” he asked genuinely. Sirius nodded enthusiastically. “Okay.”

They shifted beside one another and Sirius placed his palm flat on Remus’ chest, sliding it slowly down, nerves and eagerness combining to make him artless and direct. He traced the firm muscles, the jut of Remus’ hips as they both worked to wriggle his yoga pants off. Sirius brushed his fingers through a lawn of fine curls and grasped Remus’ cock firmly, sharing in his breathless moan.

This was easy enough – a few simple prompts from Remus and Sirius soon had him quaking and speechless. Their mouths fumbled desperately together and Sirius tasted himself on Remus’ tongue, while the panting sounds of pleasure spilling from him soon had Sirius shivering and pulsing himself with renewed desire.

“D’you know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” Sirius breathed against Remus’ lips.

Remus replied with a growl and thrust his hips into Sirius’ fist, scrabbling at him with biting fingers, drawing him closer, closer. His head snapped back, white throat exposed. “Fuck, Sirius ... I’m not gonna last long.”

“Can ... can I ... taste you?”

Remus groaned and nodded frantically, dropping backwards and wrapping a hand in Sirius’ inky hair, dragging him in and smashing their mouths together hard and quick before sucking  a sharp breath as Sirius licked a hot stripe quickly down his neck. Sirius shuffled between Remus’ knees and bowed low, passing his lips carefully over the tip of Remus’ hard penis.

Remus cursed violently. Sirius flicked his eyes up, lust jolting through him when he saw Remus’ heavy gaze locked on him. He marvelled at the feel of a cock in his mouth, slowly tracing Remus’ shapes with his tongue, trying to copy some technique. Desperate to know Remus’ taste, Sirius dipped his tongue into the slit and wicked the fluid there into his mouth.

“Fuck!” Remus snapped, fists pressed into the bed. Experimentally, Sirius rubbed his tongue across the tender spot beneath the glans and Remus reached out to press a hand clumsily against his forehead. “Sirius ... I’m really close...”

Sirius ignored the suggestion to pull back, sucking Remus in as deeply as he could. He wriggled his tongue, feeling tension creep up Remus’ thighs and into his groin as orgasm gripped him, his hips pumping erratically as he came hard in Sirius’ welcoming mouth.

Sirius tried not to choke as the hot ribbon hit his throat, drawing back only when the last tiny drop landed on his tongue. He swallowed, surprised at the sour-salt tang, the viscous texture and yet ... it wasn’t all that bad. Swallowing again, he scooted up to kiss Remus who sighed happily against him. “You’re incredible...”

 “Thanks to you,” Sirius returned, curling against him and snuffling Remus’ jaw. He laughed and turned to catch Sirius’ lips again, tongues meeting and sliding and sharing mingled taste. Sirius knew that love was not a bandage to cover wounds, yet in the circlet of Remus’ arms with that so-desired body arched hard against his, hot and firm and ever present, in a small way he felt truly healed.

 

**E.**

Tangled in bed with Remus, sweaty and sexed up, was certainly Sirius’ favourite thing. But after six months of freedom, he needed more than just lubbing fingers leaving bruises on his hips.

Remus was idly stroking his hair. “So what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. The days of our youth are over ... James is about to be married, Peter’s gone. You’re always working on those gloopy textbooks... I’m supposed to be an adult now, but I don’t feel like it.”

Remus smiled slyly. “You feel like one to me.”

“Plonker,” Sirius knocked him lightly with an elbow. A pensive silence echoed between them before Sirius murmured, “I need to do something ... productive. Make a difference to the world. A good difference.”

Remus fixed him with a knowing look. “You want to work to close down Hogwarts and places like that, don’t you?”

Sirius shrugged, slightly self-conscious. “Maybe ... or maybe clear the corruption out of the Aurors. Or both.”

Remus tugged gently at the inky spill of Sirius’ hair and Sirius tipped his head back, straining to meet Remus’ eyes without actually moving. Remus lovingly scratched the delicate spot behind his ear. “I think that sounds like a great idea. Have you looked into it yet? I can’t imagine either would be easy ... but you’re very good at a challenge.”

“I’ve done a bit of research. You’re not going to like the answer.”

Remus chuckled, scratching a little harder. “You’ve got conviction, integrity and me, Padfoot. What’s not to like?”

Sirius paused, then pressed a smiling kiss against Remus’ breastbone. His past was filled with a horrorshow that would never change. But he had Remus in his future and somehow Sirius knew that wouldn’t change either. Even as an adult, he would be ultra gorgeousness.

 

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> I worked on this for SOOO long, and I'm fairly happy with how it worked out. I tried to keep the feel of HP canon and merge it with the ACO voice, hence the random words (nadsat slang). I kept them sparse for those who aren't familiar with ACO - and I've also deliberately used some words wrong because artistic license. Meh.


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